Sometimes the moments that feel significant after a loved one's death become 'stuck points' in our grief. When in truth, many of the moments that give us pause - either because they cause us the most pain or because they are the dearest - quietly happen somewhere in the middle. We assume big moments like milestones, beginnings, and ends will be the most important. It's only after the story ends that we're able to see the significance of certain events. In life, we're not very good at predicting which moments will matter later on. So instead of relishing the ending, you flip back through to reread your favorite parts and relive the moments that, in hindsight, were significant themes, turning points, and revelations. When you do, you realize there was no way the ending could have ever lived up to all the great stuff in the middle. If I must compare life to a narrative (and apparently, I must), I'd say it's more like a good book that you never want to finish. How could a Hollywood Moment ever be assumed when so many people die in ways that make it impossible? When I test this idea of a "meaningful moment" at the end of life against reality, I see that it should be looked upon as a rarity as opposed to the norm. I never told her that she had been the perfect mother, and she never told me she was proud of me and that I was going to be okay.įor a long time, I've fixated on the moments I did have at the end of my mother's life and mourned the ones I didn't. We never shared a moment where we both knew and accepted she was dying. My mother never sat in her bed, calm and alert, resigned to her death, and ready to receive her family. I guess what I mean is that I never had the Hollywood Moment that, in the movies, is part and parcel of death from a terminal illness. Well, that's not true, my life with her was filled with significant moments. I didn't have a meaningful moment with my mother before she died. Stuck Points, Struggling with End-of-Life Experiences, Grief Articles for Beginners, Memory, Reflection
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